Dear, friend, colleague, distant family member, or stranger from the Internet,
Please don't. Thank you.
Ok so if that's not good enough, I will offer my extended response below. You've been warned:
First of all, wow, I am flattered that of all of your contacts you've selected ME to your exclusive group, be it a new fitness challenge, your fat-busting miracle wraps, or life-changing line of beauty products, etc.
Maybe it was that recent family photo where I was looking a little softer in the middle and tired around the eyes, or the snap of me and my kid baking those cookies together with the big globs of frosting. Or possibly it was from that 5K group photo...I mean I did look a bit sweaty at the end...
Maybe I simply appear to be a driven person, and I'd just be a great addition to your team and achieving the important goals you're setting. #NewYearsResolutions and #FitnessGoals anyone!?
And pyramids are definitely my favorite of the schemes out there, because the success just keeps growing, and it's like started by the Egyptians right? So yea, definitely on your wavelength, but I digest.
With all of this, I will have to respectfully decline this offer. Sorry, but this year, of all the years, I'm just feeling pretty damn good. Yea, I still have some baby weight (definitely won't be showing off any-pack of abs at the community pool this summer) but I've had some really good times:
I do finally prefer my lap to be a comfy place to land for anyone who needs it (especially my lap dogs). I like to run and do cardio because it relieves stress, and lifting weights make it easier to tackle just about anything (or anyone if need be). I also want my sons to grow up knowing that women can be strong, and soft, and come in all shapes and forms of beauty.
I know we're at that wonderful time of year where women reflect on the trials and tribulations of the past 12 months, and flog themselves after every bite of indulgent treat or swig of holiday spirits. Been there and done that since I hit puberty and wanted boys to like me, and I've wasted a hell of a lot of time.
Today, I'm still me, and still have bouts of self-doubt and loathing, but more grateful for ever what I have. I know have infinite room to improve, but please, just let me have this time to just be.
I applaud your efforts to use the power of social media to spread the word. I mean people need to be reminded that health is their true wealth. And beauty is their true currency. And fear is the root of all evil. And life is a box of chocolates. I know it, I feel ya, and I'm with ya, if only in spirit here.
Again, thanks so much for thinking of me, but I really do need to focus on MY new program I'm really jazzed about. In fact, I will be shortly sending you an invite to join my new page called "Train Your Best. Tuck the Rest."
It's all about living your life on your terms, taking your mind off being perfect, and investing in some nice shapewear garments for the times when you don't want it to all hang out. It's catching on and I can't wait to show you the before and afters. I'm looking for 12 motivated individuals ready to not change their life all that much, let me know if you're in.
Until then, best of luck with your programs, and try to catch me on the next one!
Comfortably Content in Cleveland (for now)
*Disclaimer - if not evident - this is sarcasm, trying to shed humor on a serious subject.
I really do wish goodwill for those trying new things in the new year to change their lives. Behavior change is virtually impossible without extreme focus and energy, and frankly I'm just distracted and likely sleep-deprived as I write this. Get at it!
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